How My Baby Saved My Life

When I first found out I was pregnant I was terrified. So many questions where running through my head. How did this happen? I was on birth control. How am I going to do this? Is he going to stay with me when I tell him? Will that be the only reason he stays? How will I work and be a mom? I don’t know how I can afford this, I can barely afford to take care of myself!

But after I told my partner, he just held me, quietly, and as all the negative thoughts ran through my head all he did was kiss my forehead, and said we’ll figure it out. And right there, I knew we would be okay.

I’ve struggled with depression for majority of my life. So you can imagine adding an unexpected pregnancy on top of that didn’t sit well with my happiness at first. It caused me to feel so low I was prescribed antidepressants for the first time.

As the pregnancy went on some days it was great, and others not so much. I did not have the smoothest pregnancy. I had morning sickness all the way until my eighth month then I finally was feeling good and healthy and ready for about a week. I accomplished so much after having three separate baby showers because our families; let’s just say don’t mesh too well, I was able to get everything put away and set up and ready to go.

Then I got hit with the worst flu of my life. I was so sick the last few weeks of my pregnancy I couldn’t stand it. All around the holidays too. It wasn’t until December 20th 2018, I felt well enough to go see the lights at calm. Get some fresh air and enjoy some alone time with my man.

I went into labor that night, and had her the following day. The birthing experience was difficult. I was exhausted. I didn’t sleep the night before, and I had started pushing too early. But the moment she was out and in my arms... Everything changed.

Her little face was so perfect and I was instantly in love. Every worry, every wonder was gone; for that moment it was just me and her, and nothing else mattered.

There where several days in my life I felt things would be better if I wasn’t around. I wouldn’t have caused people the pain I did or problems I had. But while I held her all I could think of was how could I do anything and everything to make her life the best I could. I never wanted to not be there for her.

I finally felt like I had a reason to be alive and a true person that I could love and adore and be loved and adored back. She was and is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Each and everyday I’m thankful for her for giving me the strength to keep going. There are still days that are hard. There always will be. But now I have a reason to wake up and get up everyday. Without her, I don’t think I’d be here today. I had so many things tearing me down everyday. Until I had her, I didn’t have a want or a reason to feel like I needed to still be here. But now I do.

Having a child can be one of the hardest most challenging things a person can do. But it’s also one of the bravest and best things that you can do too. It will always be worth it in the end. To have your child looking up at you, asking you to come here or for a kiss or high five or fist bump. It’s truly beautiful and amazing watching them grow and I am just so thankful to have her.

I know now it’s normal to feel the way I did. And it’s okay to still have days that are hard and frustrating and make you wanna cry and rip your hair out. But that’s motherhood. That’s what makes life worth living because in the end, that little person, is there and who they are because of you. And that’s truly beautiful.

Written by Veronica Shelton