Women in the Bible | A Dead Girl and a Sick Woman | 'Only Sleeping'

It was the end of 2016, and I was deeply, far-gone into one of the worst depressions of

my life.

I had experienced depression before; I went through it on and off throughout my life, but

this time was different. I felt like the dead girl and the sick woman all rolled into one. My hope

was gone, and the only reason I was living was because it felt too selfish for me to die. I did

think that everyone would be better off without me, but I had experienced the aftermath of a

loved one’s suspected suicide, and I didn’t want to bring those kinds of tears, or grief, to

anyone’s life.

Truth be told, there were different things on different days that were keeping me

alive. Some days, it was my puppies, my siblings, or my family and friends; other days, it was

my book or a glimmer of hope I felt for a potentially better life, but most days, I felt like I had

already died.

I went to school, I slept and ate a LOT, and I didn’t go anywhere. I hardly left my room,

and if I did go somewhere, it was purely to drive my siblings around to get food or run errands

while I waited in the car with our dogs. I refused to get out of the car or to go in anywhere we

went. I didn’t want anyone to see me; I didn’t even want to see myself. I lived in an oversized,

black Fox hoodie that had become a sort-of comfort blanket or shield. If I left the house at all, I

had it on. It didn’t matter if it was 110 degrees outside, I was in it. Mostly though, I was in my

room, cuddling with my dogs in bed, and letting the TV play as background noise, attempting to

distract me from my thoughts.

I really hated myself. Mostly, I ignored and pushed everyone away from me. I look back

now and realize that one of the reasons that I was isolating was because I thought it would be in

everyone else’s best interest; they wouldn’t have to mourn my death, but this way, they wouldn’t

be exposed to the presence of toxicity that I felt within me.

Do you know the story of the dead girl and the sick woman? The Bible says that Jesus

“had crossed over by boat to the other side of the lake” and that “a large crowd gathered around

him” (Mark 5:21 NIV). “One of the synagogue rulers, named Jairus, came there. Seeing Jesus, he

fell at his feet and pleaded earnestly with him, ‘My little daughter is dying. Please come and put

your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.’ So Jesus went with him. A large crowd

followed and pressed around him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for

twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she

had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up

behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, ‘If I just touch his clothes, I

will be healed.’ Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed

from her suffering” (Mark 5:22-29 NIV).

It was 2016, and like the woman who “had suffered a great deal under the care of many

doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse,” I had tried

everything; nothing helped, and I had only grown worse. It was the middle of the day, and I was

laying in bed, trying to sleep more because sleeping was where I felt the least amount of pain and

most peace, when one of my best friends, Chelsea, texted me about a Bible reading plan she was

starting. I remember my phone going off and thinking about ignoring it, silencing it, and turning

back over to go to sleep, but for some reason, I opened it anyway. I was not excited or happy

when I read her message. In fact, I was annoyed. I felt like, “I’ve already tried that.”

I have been a Christian and a believer in God for as long as I can remember, and I had tried going to church and reading my Bible before. On top of that, I believed I had a good relationship with God, but I

was still depressed, so obviously, I thought to myself, “this is as good as it gets.” I thought, “I’m

as close to God as I can be,” “I’ve went to church every week before,” “I’ve read the Bible every

day before,” “I’ve tithed every check before,” “I’ve only listened to worship and Christian music

before,” and I still ended up here: hating myself, depressed, and sick to death. “This is as good as

my walk with God gets.” Right? Wrong. I had to admit that every time I did those things, life

was better, and I was better. The problem was that I had never completely given over my life to

God; I was always the person who remained in charge.

So, was I willing to do it different this time?

You see, the woman who bled for twelve years had looked for healing. Her issue wasn’t

one that she or others could ignore. She knew something was wrong with her and that what she

was experiencing was not normal. She was bleeding all over herself, and more than likely,

bleeding on others, so she looked for healing.

She spent everything she had going to different doctors, trying different things, and spending all of her money, time, and effort trying to be healed. I can relate to this woman. My bleeding wasn’t physical, but emotionally, I was bleeding on anything and everyone I touched. Emotionally, I was bleeding all over me, and I had tried everything that the world had to offer looking for my healing: I tried finding love in

relationships; I tried friends with benefits; I tried drinking and different types of drugs; I tried

chasing perfection in every way; I sought after physical beauty to the point of eating disorders; I

tried chasing after success and possessions; I tried intellectual fulfillment; I tried religion; these

were the doctors that I turned to.

Was I willing to try an everyday relationship with Jesus?

Chelsea didn’t know it at the time, but the little girl that she had grown up knowing was

dying inside of me. She had grown into a woman that was bleeding all over herself and everyone

she knew, and no matter what she did to find healing, she kept bleeding.

I met Chelsea when I was eight years old, and it feels like she’s known me my whole life. She’s called me the angel in her life, but she’s always been the angel in mine. When she texted me that day, something in me snapped.

What’s crazy is, I mostly remember feeling mad; like, “Fine, I’ve got nothing else left!

I’m going to spend time with You every day, God, because if You can’t help me, nothing can

and nothing will.” It was like an internal challenge to God that I was going to give Him my time

every day, but if He didn’t come through, it was over!

I wonder if that’s how the woman who bled for twelve years felt.

If she felt like, “I’ve tried everything else and given everyone else all that I have, so this is it; if Jesus can’t do it, no one can.”

I wonder if that’s how Jairus felt; like Jesus was his daughter’s last hope.

They both were down to their last resort, and then, they chose God. It’s like that saying, “We’ve done

everything we can do; now, the only thing left to do is pray and give it to God.” Isn’t this so odd?

We think of God as our last resort when He was always meant to be the first.

The Bible says that “At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned

around in the crowd and asked, ‘Who touched my clothes?’ ‘You see the people crowding

against you,’ his disciples answered, ‘and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ But Jesus kept

looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her,

came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her,

‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering’” (Mark

5:30-34). A lot of people were close to Jesus, and some of them were even touching Him, but

Jesus asked this question because only one of them had touched Him in faith. The woman

believed that Jesus could heal her, and she sought after Him in faith, so when she got close to

Jesus, she was healed. Her miracle was produced by her faith.

To be honest, I didn’t think that what I had left could be healed. I thought it was well past

the sick stage; I thought it was dead. I think that’s why I had given up. Thankfully, God hadn’t

given up on me, and that’s why these next lines mean so much to me.

The Bible says that “While Jesus was still speaking, some men came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. ‘Your daughter is dead,’ they said. ‘Why bother the teacher any more?’ Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, ‘Don’t be afraid; just believe.’ He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. When they came to the home of the synagogue ruler, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them,

‘Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.’

But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, ‘Talitha

koum!’ (which means, ‘Little girl, I say to you, get up!’). Immediately the girl stood up and

walked around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished” (Mark 5:35-

42 NIV).

Chelsea didn’t know she was playing the role of Jairus at the time or that she was

pleading for Jesus to heal the dead child inside of me. She didn’t know that all of my hope was

gone. She didn’t know that one text message about a Bible reading plan would spark something

inside of me and change my life by reminding me that I had one last resort, and that last resort

was God.

My bleeding didn’t stop instantly. My little girl didn’t get up immediately and walk,

but each day, God met me in the time that I gave to Him, healed me of my bleeding, and helped

me learn how to walk again; This is my relationship with God.

Whether you feel like you are sick or dying or like your hope and the little girl inside of

you is dead and gone, all hope is not lost; you can still turn to God. Better than any doctor, He

can heal any and every thing. He says, “Don’t be afraid; just believe. This child is only

sleeping.”

Written by Crystal Bryan.